Garden of Pride
Interview and blog by Jacky Huang (he/him), Pride Link Summer Intern.
“We all have very different stories and that was instilled in me at a young age.”
AJ Arellano (he/him) is a queer Filipino man living in the Upstate and the proud owner of Savereign, a plant store in the village of West Greenville. For over an hour, AJ and I talked about his experiences in college, the challenges of being a queer business owner, and his coming out story.
Jacky: So, let’s jump right in. What are you passionate about and why?
AJ: I feel like what it comes down to is that I'm passionate about helping other people. Growing up like many, I grew up in a Christian household. It was also a military family because my dad was in the military. My dad was amazing, but he wasn't there a lot since he was always overseas. We're also Filipino, so super Asian! I'm also first generation, so I had to deal with the first generation burdens.
When we were in the church, we did canvassing -- going out and reaching out to other disenfranchised communities. I learned to genuinely care about people and realized that everybody's going through different things. We all have very different stories and that was instilled in me at a young age. When I got out of Christian college, we went on mission trips, and I ended up working at a camp where we did a lot of inner-city work. At that camp, I was amazed because usually Christian camp is scary and traumatic. But, even though the camp I went to was very Christian, it was also very understanding. The whole point was to show the goodness of people, and it was just an amazing experience even though it was tied to something very rigid - for a lot of people, scary and traumatic.
Later, I moved to Chicago and got to experience a huge gay community that within itself still had its own issues with race. That experience brought that to light for me because I'm Asian so we get some weird assumptions with white people because they think we're so meek, mild, and gentle. Racial issues became more important for me then. It became part of the work that I wanted to do.
I knew I always wanted to own a retail space. My mom was from New York so I got fascinated by retail in Brooklyn. It wasn't until I was in Chicago that I got into plants because of my depression. When you're first figuring out you have these feelings -- you don't know what's going on, thinking like something's wrong with me, and I don't feel okay. Luckily for me, I just randomly started getting into plants, because my mom would buy me these money trees for good luck. I ended up taking care of it and then next thing you know I had like 150 plants in my 700 square foot apartment. I was like ‘wow, this feels great, I feel like I have some control on my depression, and I feel good! I want to share this!’
I also feel like there's so much pressure to do something really big or else they're not going to be good enough. Thinking you're not doing enough, but we never give ourselves or other people that grace to just give things a try. You don't have to do these huge, grand things to help yourself. Sometimes it just takes buying a little four-inch plant, and then it grows from there, both literally and mentally. And that's what my passion is -- just sharing this gift of natural happiness. This is like a natural healing because plants give back endorphins, positive energy, and serves as signaling to your brain for calmness. It's an amazing tool for first steps in self-care. It definitely helped me at least. Plants gave me something to get up to, to take care of, and in turn give me love.
“When you’re first figuring out you have these feelings — you don’t know what’s going on, thinking like something’s wrong with me, and I don’t feel okay.”
Jacky: What was it like starting Savereign?
AJ: When I moved back down to South Carolina, I came down here and thought maybe I could start my business, because what else am I gonna do in South Carolina? At first, I took it slow because I had my normal job at the time, and I was doing pop-ups at Swamp Rabbit Cafe and at different events. I did everything I could, like music festivals in these dark dingy places, but it was amazing because I met so many people. The beautiful thing about Greenville is that if you know one person you’re most likely going to know a whole sector of people, and it's amazing. That’s how the arts community is down here.
After I broke up with my ex, I didn’t have anything to my name which pushed me to really dive into my business. It started with a small studio and then, luckily, a bigger space opened up here on the main strip of the village. I could not afford this, but I worked, and I still had my normal job along with all of this, which is already a lot on top of trying to start a business in a retail space. It was very hard, but I knew that the driving factor was the fact that there was nothing for queer people here in the village. There was no queer ownership. It was also crazy because, like I've never had so many ally friends. I was like, you know, this is great, and It's an educational moment because we’re here in the South.
And when allies say things like “I don't care if you're gay” they don't really know what that means, fully. It’s not just about saying that I exist, but it takes more than that -- like truly loving someone, really caring for them, and checking up on them. So it was educating people about what is right and wrong to say. I was like, “y'all are lucky I am the most patient.”
“I was like ‘I am a brown queer male in America and I’m about to do this and here we fucking go!’”
Jacky: How did your multiple identities shape your goals for opening Savereign?
AJ: Well, I was like ‘I am a brown queer male in America and I'm about to do this and here we fucking go!’ I want this to be geared towards brown little boys like me. The queer boy who did not know anything and didn't see any freedom in any of his queer friends.
You can look at me and be like, “oh my God he's so free I want to be that. That was the goal, and the intent was for other queer BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) to feel accepted in a space -- for them to know they could come here without a freakin care, and just have the same shopping experience, and even better than the places they don't feel welcomed. And it’s not just for all queer people, it for everybody in general. My passion is to uplift and encourage queer BIPOC to ‘get it girl’, succeed, feel beautiful, feel accepted, and not have to worry about the hatred in the world that will attack you -- be aware of it, but don't let it get you down. We need to be owning property, real estate, and businesses so that it gets normalized and people see us and not think we only have to be in one place, because we can do whatever the hell we want. Savereign is a healer for people, and this is something I'm going to share with everyone and want them to care for it.
Jacky: What have been some of the challenges with owning Saverign?
AJ: We get people that walk in, and they don't realize they're in a queer space. Then they immediately walk out. I've also had, like, multiple older Karen's walking in, looking around, and see the [queer] flag -- they point at it and then they go on and walk out.
But I'm like ‘good, I don't want your money.’
It's as simple as that. I think a lot of businesses down here are just so scared of losing business, but like the dumb part of that is that they don’t realize, if they are openly accepting, just how much business they will get in return. People will want to do business with you knowing that you love and accept everybody walking into that space. Nowadays, It's a driving factor for people.
Jacky: Could you talk a little bit more about your family background and coming out story?
AJ: I’m a military brat so I lived everywhere, but I was born in Seattle, Washington. I was raised Baptist, so Bob Jones academics kind of followed me my whole life. My college experience was fine -- I went to Bob Jones University. There are some bad parts, but I think, again, at a young age I’ve learned discernment and to not let anger kill me. I had also come out to a bunch of my friends at Bob Jones, so my experience there wasn't awful.
I knew I was gonna come out when I was 20 or 21 because I was like, that is the time I need to do it if I want to live my life, and I was trying to be considerate because my sister was in college longer than I was staying. I didn't want that to affect her because in Asian families, if one thing is off, everything's off. But then, there was this opportunity at the dinner table, and I told my family. I already knew it wasn’t gonna be a shocking thing -- I mean, I loved the Spice Girls, power ballads, Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, so like you had to know.
I came out to them and exactly what I imagined it was gonna be -- like my mom passed out on the floor, but at first, she kneeled. She got on her knees and crawled around the table. I was very calm and trying to be very understanding and patient with them because I think especially with family, it was important to me to be patient with them. Coming out of a world that was like the opposite of all that they know, they're not gonna get it immediately.
The next day they just assured me that they loved me and stuff like that and then they didn't talk to me for four months after that. I reached out and realized, ‘oh they're not talking to me.’ They like went away to the Philippines for two months and then were gone for a long time and didn't speak to me after they came back. I was being very understanding and patient because I knew this was probably very difficult for my mom and my dad -- having the dream to come to America, have kids, and give back to their family in the Philippines.
My dad always joked that I was the “last” of the Arellanos, because I'm the only Arellano male in America besides my dad. The fact that I’m gay was difficult for them to take in at the time, but then my mom randomly called me one day, and I had always called them. I called them up like at least once or twice a week and just left messages saying, I'm here now, I'm in Chicago now, and I'm okay because I knew that would be something my mom would like, even though she's confused at the moment. So when she randomly called me, she just said ‘I can't watch this scary movie because your dad won't watch it with me.’ Our common thing was scary movies, so I knew that was like a peace offering. Next thing you know she was hanging with me and my ex in Chicago.
But my parents still have their hangups, obviously, but they are way better now and my experience was way better than a lot of other people's experience because my parents are involved in my life right now. And they're here so that's good.
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Jacky’s reflection
During the tail end of our conversation, AJ asked me about my own experiences growing up in the South -- where I didn’t have any Queer role models, much less Queer Asian folks to look up to. Talking to AJ made me feel so free. I’ve never seen someone love life and embrace it’s tumultuous twists and turns with so much positivity before. The issues he brought up about queer business ownership and how that’s such an important needed representation in this area were something that I’ve never even thought of before. That’s when I reflected upon my own experiences and realized that AJ was the first LGBTQ+ small business owner that I’ve ever met.
Then when we went into the topics of how many businesses are afraid to take stances on social issues because of a fear of losing customers. But AJ’s stance challenges those traditional mindsets with a mentality that instead embraces diversity and inclusion in every aspect of the business. His authenticity of truly wanting to create an inclusive environment at Savereign made me want to drive there as fast as possible -- whenever it’s safe to do so!
Our conversation seriously opened up my perspective on what I need to find fulfillment in life. Because just like what AJ said, maybe all you need is to buy a four-inch plant to feel free.